1. Jive Turkey

From the recording Love for Connoisseurs

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With Miles Black, Jodi Proznick, Joel Fountain, Dave Say


My man's handsome face, it makes me swoon
But all of my friends think he's a buffoon
This boyfriend I have doesn't treat me right
What he says and he does are day and night

I'll tell you my tale, my tale of woe
And you can tell me, should I stay or go?
I'm starting to think that our future's murky
That my gorgeous guy is a jive turkey

My boyfriend asked me out to have a bite
He said to be there right at nine
When nonchalant he got there past midnight
He didn't even bring a dime

I told my boyfriend we should take a drive
To have a picnic on the grass
He brought along his friends who ate my food
Then his car ran out of gas

He never once was punctual
Excuses he could connive
A boyfriend most dyfunctional
That thoughtless turkey was jive!

My sister's wedding day, he waltzed in late
He'd overslept and looked a mess
He loudly joked the bride was overweight
Like a sausage in a dress

What a jive turkey
Such a jive turkey!

What a jive turkey
Such a jive turkey!


What a jive turkey
Such a jive turkey!

I had a broken leg, my boyfriend came
To do the laundry, walk the dog
He plunked down on the sofa
Watched the game, found him sleeping like a log

My boyfriend wracked up quite a lot of debt
He asked if I could pay his bar bills
He said he'd get a job and we'd be set
Instead he drinks all day and chills

A deadbeat oh so arrogant
He's all big talk and no drive
A misinformed experiment
That handsome turkey was jive!

I bought show tickets way back in the fall
When we were headed in the door
He left me standing there for some girl's call
Seemed like he was trying to score!

How could he be such a boor?
Hope I haven't made you snore!
With the tale of this jive turkey